My Testimony

By Ashlie Bailey

My name is Ashlie Bailey. I have been a part of the anti-human trafficking movement since 2010. I am a speaker, artist, and consultant with a local faith based anti-trafficking ministry. Before I was born, members of my family were into organized crime, violence and the occult for several generations. 

For decades, my family became heavily involved in one of the very worst, most violent child sex trafficking rings that I have ever seen. They and the others in the trafficking organization used on children brutal military-style enhanced interrogation torture techniques to control us. After I was born into the organization, I became one of those children.

​From the very earliest years I can remember, to the age of eighteen, I was a victim of child sex trafficking, torture, mind control programming, and ritualistic abuse by a large worldwide underground pedophile network that had thousands of members.

The child trafficking ring was run by ordinary looking, white, wealthy, well educated, powerful and successful men and their families many of whom were a part of a Satanic organization. Some of the members worked in government, military and the justice system at the time.

They weren't trafficking people through pimping, online sex adds, hotels, truck stops, or strip clubs, but through an underground pedophile ring run by families, in ordinary neighborhoods, out of people's middle and upper-class homes, in their places of business, and on military bases.

Beginning at an extremely young age on and off in my childhood, members of my family forced me and many others to be in some of the most violent forms of child pornographic, snuff and horror films that exist. Many times, I was also taken to groups of powerful, cruel, and extremely violent men who were into hurting children, and also things that are unspeakable.

PSALM 59 Deliver me from my enemies, O my God; Defend me from those who rise up against me. Deliver me from the workers of iniquity, And save me from bloodthirsty men. For look, they lie in wait for my life; the mighty gather against me, not for my transgression nor for my sin, O Lord. They run and prepare themselves through no fault of mine.

My abusers controlled my behavior by force using threats, coercion, lies, humiliation, shame, brainwashing, isolation, physical restraint, confinement, powerful and dangerous drugs in high doses, sensory and sleep deprivation, and many nights of torture.

For years and years, this happened to me repeatedly. The majority of my abuse and exploitation happened at night, on the weekends, during holidays, and over summer vacations. In exchange, my traffickers received all kinds of favors from powerful men as well as a financial advantage I wasn’t aware of at the time. It took all of the strength that I had just to survive. Eventually, I had no more strength to try to escape physically anymore, so I found my escape in my art and music.

PROVERBS 29:25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

Even during the years I was being exploited, I still attended school during the fall and spring semesters. Until my sophomore year, I did my best to be a good student. By my junior year in high school, I had given up. On the radio, I once heard a sermon on the life of Joseph. The pastor said, that "sometimes you get an A-plus just for surviving."

What I experienced and witnessed was so violent and horrific, that not everyone survived. It was so dark, there is no word to describe it. The closest word I can think of that even comes close is holocaust.

The grief and loss I felt over the deaths of other victims were unbearable until my perspective of death was forever changed because Christ took death and turned it upside down. He overcame death.

ISAIAH 25:8 He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.

1 COR. 15:54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory.

1 SAMUEL 2:6 The LORD brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up.

PSALM 116:15-16 Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints. O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains.

PSALM 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

PSALM 30:3 O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave; You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

PSALM 116:3-6 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD: "O LORD, save me!

PSALM 116:8-9 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.

LUKE 17:33 Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.

ROMANS 8:38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

Originally, I grew up in the LDS Church. In the Mormon church, displaying or owning a cross was forbidden. In the summer of 1997, I went to a Christian church camp with a friend where I heard the real message of Jesus for the first time. At camp, I was given my very first cross. Although I was expected to continue to be a member of the Mormon Church, a seed was planted. I secretly kept the cross hidden in my pocket for a long time. 

In the summer of December 1999, I became pregnant with my son Joshua and was forced to keep the pregnancy a secret. By the time I was in foster care and a junior in high school, I was living with a Mormon Bishop and his wife. At the age of sixteen, I was forced to enter into a secret marriage covenant with the Bishop and his other wives. The Bishop was over sixty years old at the time. In June 2004, my sons David and Joseph were born. For years, I was led by the Mormon Church to believe that all of my children were no longer alive. 

Months after the birth of David and Joseph, I was introduced to Christianity by a boy I met at my new high school. Early in the morning on January 18, 2005, I read John 3:16. The words "ONLY begotten Son" jumped off the page. I realized that if Jesus was the only Son of God, then the teachings of the Mormon Church must be false. I also realized that to receive salvation, I must believe that Jesus is the one and only Son of God. The very instant I realized this, He was there in a more real way than I had ever known before. That morning, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and told my foster parents I had been saved.

JOHN 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Later that day, I was taken to a hospital where my daughter Hope was born. Once Again, I was led to believe my child did not survive. After my daughter Hope was gone, I was abandoned by my Mormon foster family at the hospital where Hope had been born. Before I turned eighteen, I was used as a breeder again, and my fifth child was conceived. When I aged out of the foster care system, I spent several months in a homeless shelter for women. Over Christmas 2005, I was taken by a family member to another state where my daughter Grace was born. I did not know if she lived.

I now believe my children survived and were adoption trafficked into the Mormon foster care system. Even though it was heartbreaking, being persecuted for my new faith, abandoned, and forced to leave my hometown was a blessing in disguise. The same day that I received the gift of my freedom in Christ, I also received the gift of my daughter Hope. The boy who originally introduced me to Christianity in high school became my husband. All these years later, I am trying to find my missing children.

Before my daughter Grace was born in 2005, I got my driver’s license and received my GED. In spring 2006, I moved from the homeless shelter into a community college dorm. In spring 2010, I graduated with an Associate’s of Arts from Kilgore College.

Although I had escaped child sex trafficking after I became a Christian and turned eighteen, for many years later, I continued to experience threats, stalking, vandalism and break-ins by former traffickers who tried everything to silence and destroy me. Those who are willing, risk their lives and reputations to come forward and speak up. It was a daily fight to keep my freedom. Even though I was physically free, I did not become completely set free spiritually and mentally until I began to pray for my enemies and fight back at the real enemy with spiritual warfare.

I started seeking Bible knowledge. One time during the message at the new church I was attending, I remember the pastor said: "Christ's followers would be known by their scars and not by their muscles and strengths." I had secretly hidden injuries from my past abuse, and for years I struggled with cutting. Through my recovery, I discovered that Jesus had complete understanding and empathy of the pain I was holding behind my scars because he took my wounds and He has overcome them. No matter how dark and how deep the scars you carry may be, there is absolutely nothing in this world too big for Him to overcome. By his wounds, we are healed.

On July 23, 2010, my life changed forever when I found my life's calling. At church one day while the band was playing the song "Our God is Greater", I felt God called me to come forward about my trafficking experience as a child and to become a survivor leader in the fight against human trafficking. It took all of the courage I had in the world to speak up even though I knew it would be a huge risk to my life because with my decision to come forward, came danger, and persecution from former traffickers.

MATTHEW 10:27-31 Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

PROVERBS 31:8-9 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.

On the day God called me to come forward in 2010, listening to the song "Our God" gave me the courage I needed to speak up. Everywhere I went to talk to law enforcement agencies, I listened to a Passion Conference CD on the way which had the song “Our God” on it. I didn’t know it yet, but that was the day I became an abolitionist and I have been part of the anti-trafficking movement ever since then.

In the organized crime ring I grew up in, many Hispanic women and children were taken from their homes, brought into the United States, and tragically lost their lives because of violent crime and human trafficking. Because of the things I had seen in childhood, I felt called to begin praying specifically for the women and children going missing out of Juarez Mexico. 

For years, I prayed every day and waited for God to answer. I asked the Lord for a sign that He would do something. At first, I thought God would answer my prayer through the justice system but when that didn't happen, I felt confused and heartbroken. I waited for the sign and at the time saw none. I wondered if God would ever answer my prayer. 

I didn't realize it at first, but the Passion CD I was listening to during many of those prayers was one of the signs I was asking for. At the time, I had no idea that the very CD with "Our God" on it that I took with me everywhere throughout that whole journey was recorded at an event that raised awareness and funds to fight human trafficking. 

​During that time, I had no idea that there were thousands and thousands of people all over the world praying for the fight against slavery. The whole time, they were praying for the same thing I was praying for. I was not alone, and I was never alone. It amazed me to find out that there was a Passion song written about raising a white flag against slavery when the writers of that song could not have known that there was an American flag trafficking rings used to signal it as a sign they were about to harm someone by dropping the flag from its pole. 

When that song came out, thousands of people with red X's drawn on their hands gathered outside of the Georgia Dome at a Passion Conference to raise white flags in the representation of each of the estimated 27 million people currently trapped in slavery. 

                                     
​PSALM 60:4-5 Yet you have raised a flag for those who fear you so that they can rally to it when attacked by bows and arrows. Save us with your powerful hand, and answer us so that those who are dear to you may be rescued.

In front of the property where the flagpole is located, there is a billboard that for many months said in huge letters the name of Jesus. Seeing this reminded me on a regular basis how much more mighty and powerful God is than the entire human trafficking industry.

​Years later, God gave me another sign. Every year since the "End It" movement was started at the Passion Conferences, thousands of people from all over the world draw red X's on their hands to raise awareness about human trafficking. 

After years of prayer, one day I came across a photo of a city. In that city, a monument in the shape of a giant red X had been build.

The red X was big enough to be seen from miles away. This monument was not made in association with the trafficking awareness movement, but coincidentally the monument design happened to be the same red X symbol as the one used in the movement to shine a light on the issue of trafficking.

A monument that was constructed for one purpose, God used as a sign for a different purpose. I asked for a sign God would do something about the violent crime in Juarez Mexico. I wasn't expecting God to answer my prayer with a sign against slavery huge enough to see from far away on either side of the border. That big red X monument is now one of the largest landmarks in Juarez Mexico. 

​On May 7, 2012, I started praying for God to help me forgive my former traffickers. A few months later, I joined a Bible study over Nehemiah. During the Nehemiah study, the question that was asked over and over was “What has God put on your heart?” I prayed about it, and the answer was that God had put the oppressed on my heart. When I wrote that, I knew exactly who I had in mind, the other victims of human trafficking from my childhood who lost their lives. 

In the story of Nehemiah, it says that Nehemiah asked God to forgive his ancestors who sold their own family members into slavery. They were referred to as the oppressed. I was blown away. One night while I prayed for my former traffickers, I asked God to forgive them. That was my moment of freedom.

MATTHEW 5:44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

The next day, the study said "Nehemiah prayed for four months before approaching the king. How does this encourage you to keep praying for something you have been praying for a long time?" Later on, I realized I began praying on May 7, 2012. Those prayers were answered on Sept 7, 2012. Without even planning it, I had prayed for exactly four months for help forgiving, the exact same amount of time as Nehemiah. 

GALATIANS 5:1 says it is for freedom that Christ set us free.

Over the course of those four months, I wasn’t looking but I kept learning about ministry after ministry that helps fight human trafficking. As I learned more, I felt like I was supposed to be involved somehow but I was struggling with it. I was sitting in my car and in prayer out loud said to God “Okay, I will give in.” I walked into a Christian bookstore moments after that prayer, and the first thing I saw when I walked in was a table full of shirts that had labels on them which said: "Give N." I read on the label that one of the things Give N did is raise funds to fight injustices including human trafficking. 

It had become clearer and clearer over the course of that whole year that I was supposed to be in the ministry to fight human trafficking. My story came out, and I was led through door after door into local anti-trafficking ministry. Years later, in an incredible turn of events, one law enforcement agency took my story seriously and awarded me a scholarship to complete my bachelor’s degree. I am a recipient of The Granting Courage Scholarship from The United States Immigration Customs Enforcement Foundation. On May 4, 2019, I graduated from The University of Texas at Tyler with my Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology.

GENESIS 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

When I was growing up, some of my handlers practiced Santeria and Baal worship. They used to tease me and call me ash-tree because my first name had the pagan meaning “grove of trees." In the Old Testament, the Babylonians were notorious for Baal worship. The pagan idols of Baal have no power over El Elyon, God Most High. Even Nebuchadnezzar, the King of Babylon himself ended up acknowledging that God is the Most High. In a Bible study over Gideon, I learned that God gave Gideon a new name called Jerubaal which means Baal fighter. During the Bible study, I found that God was willing to give me a new name also and that I too was a Baal fighter. In JUDGES 6:25-26, God called Gideon to tear down his father’s altar of Baal and cut down the grove of trees beside it. I realized if Gideon could do it, so could I.

JUDGES 6:25b- 26a …Throw down the alter of Baal that thy father hath, and cut down the grove that is by it. And build an altar unto the Lord thy God upon the top of this rock.

In the lesson, the teacher described the power of prayer for God to do impossible things and that for us to get to see God do miracles, we need to be willing to pray in impossible situations. The teacher gave us an example of a miracle in an impossible situation. In another country, an anti-human trafficking ministry was trying to rescue trafficking survivors, but there was no help from the authorities. There were no other options but to pray for the traffickers to come forward and rescue the survivors. Not long after, this is exactly what happened. Their prayer was answered. If we are willing to pray in impossible situations, we are more likely to see miracles happen. One time at church, our pastor preached over the story of Nehemiah. He said that “God uses broken people to accomplish big things.” God is calling regular people to be secret agents in an army against evil. 

Years ago, in Palestine, Texas around the time I was born, my aunt Michelle who is another survivor prayed for God to do something about the trafficking and injustice in the area. Now more than thirty years later, I get to see the answers to those prayers take place. I got to see an army of organizations run by passionate people raised up to fight this issue locally. For many of us, the risk was huge. At times, the risk for me was great enough that I once even considered accepting an opportunity to leave Texas permanently and change my identity. The sacrifice was great, but it was worth more than anything in the world and rewarding beyond words to get to see within my lifetime that it was possible for my past, all of the hard work, and also countless nights of prayers and tears to make a lasting difference.

On December 14, 2013, I got married. My spouse was the first person I ever told about my children. At the time, I still believed my children were no longer alive. After all those years later, I finally allowed myself to grieve the loss of my children and gave them names. The names were Joshua, David, Joseph, Hope and Grace.

During that same time period, April 25, 2014, a ministry in Tyler, Texas that fights human trafficking had an event. 

The event was called Night Walk for Hope. That day, several hundred people carrying lanterns gathered to walk down a trail through a park near my apartment in honor of survivors. Completely coincidentally, many of them were wearing T-shirts that said on them “Hope is Alive." None of them had ever heard about my children.

At church on Mother’s Day May 11, 2014, they were handing out flowers to all of the mothers. In the parking lot of the church, there were several magnolia trees in bloom. I was given a magnolia. After church, I went to my favorite turtle pond. I left the magnolia in the water.

That month, instead of choosing to change my identity and leave Texas permanently, God lead my husband and me to leave Texas temporarily and go on a much needed vacation. As we were driving through Birmingham, Alabama, I saw that on both sides of the street there were trees and trees full of hundreds and hundreds of magnolias. 

ROMANS 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Two weeks after we left Texas, we arrived in Nashville, Tennessee. Before we went on our vacation, we were originally planning on going incognito for a while. Ironically, we signed up to go to KLOVE Fan Awards which we thought was just a concert, but when we got there discovered we had by accident signed up to attend what turned out to be a red carpet event. Incognito quickly went out the window, but that was okay because that summer turned out to be an incredible answer to prayer. That summer, we ended up getting to meet and share some of my story with two of the artist who created the Passion songs that had such a huge impact on my life "Our God" and "White Flag."

Near the end of that vacation, we got to go to Passion City Church. That night, they played “Our God” and “White Flag." I felt that God was reminding me of His promises when I realized that by no plans of man, God made this happen on July 23, 2014. That is the same date that a few years earlier God first used the song “Our God” to inspire me to come forward, speak up, and become an abolitionist. That summer, God also confirmed that in the future I will be called to serve survivors in the mission field.

​While on vacation, some of the places we drove through were Birmingham, Alabama, Atlanta, Georgia, Nashville, and Memphis, Tennessee. No answered prayer of ours was more memorable than the time when as were driving through Memphis, Tennessee. On the way home, we were praying about God ending the human trafficking in that area. While we were praying, we were exhausted and even started to argue. Our prayer fell apart. At that point, we stopped and asked God to honor our prayer request anyway. We said to God "if He honored our prayer request, we acknowledged it would be through no power of our own that the prayer would be answered, but it would be only because of His power." Not long after we got home, I stumbled across a news article about how a huge trafficking ring was busted. The trafficking ring operated out of Birmingham, Alabama, Atlanta, Georgia, Nashville, and Memphis, Tennessee. God is faithful.

PSALM 102:17 He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.

By 2018, I had become informed enough on human trafficking and the Mormon Church that I realized it was possible my children could still be alive. On January 27, 2018, the woman who wrote the Nehemiah Bible study I had done years early was speaking at an event in Tyler, Texas. She was teaching over the life of Joseph. For a few minutes, she spoke about slavery and human trafficking. I was sitting in the very back of the sanctuary. At one point, it felt like she was looking straight at me. She then pointed in my direction and read out loud Genesis 45:26 which said: “Joseph is still alive."

I have spent many years praying for families affected by trafficking and Satanic ritual abuse. A long time ago, God gave me a promise that He would one day answer all of those prayers. Over a year ago, God opened the door for the restoration of my own family.

In November 2018, my aunt Michelle Hoover launched The Henry, Leroy, Oscar Call Your Mom! Campaign to locate her missing sons Henry, Leroy, and Oscar. Now, I am also campaigning to find my missing children Joshua, David, Joseph, Hope, and Grace. It is called The Finding Hope Project.

I am looking for answers and the truth about my children. I am convinced they could still be alive and may have disappeared into the LDS foster care system. I am asking for your help finding them.

November 1, 2018, during the first week of our search for missing family, we were in the car driving on the loop in Tyler on the way to Longview, Texas. I was thinking about my kids. As I glanced out the window, I noticed a KVNE radio station billboard that said on it: “Hope Found Here." Longview, Texas is where my daughter Hope was born.

I went to the Baptist Student Ministry Center on campus to hand out missing person’s flyers for Henry, Leroy, and Oscar on November 12, 2018. One person there prayed for my family. He said out loud: “I pray for Henry. I pray for Leroy. I pray for Oscar, and I pray for Hope." I had not told him about my own children.

On November 26, 2018, I felt led to go to Reformation House of Prayer in Tyler, Texas. No one knew I was coming. I did not know that they were praying about ending human trafficking. Moments before I walked into the door, they gathered into a circle and placed two chairs in the middle. They felt led by the Holy Spirit to pray for two specific missing children. As I quietly walked in, I heard their prayers. I was amazed. That evening, I told them about my missing children.

Together, my aunt Michelle and I worked diligently to raise awareness about all missing children, survivors, and families who have been affected by ritualistic abuse, MK Ultra mind control programming, and human trafficking. During the first few days of spreading missing person’s flyers for our family, we received a phone call from a young girl looking for help who we believe was in danger. That week, I was able to report two tips to The National Center For Missing and Exploited Children for two separate missing children's cases. Since then, we came into contact with other parents who are in search of their missing children. I spent my last semester with UT Tyler serving as an intern with a safe home for my psychology field service credit.

The year 2020 held many struggles, grief, and pain. I went through a tragic loss and it was heartbreaking. Unexpected death is life changing. I encountered some of the worst pain of my life. I was never the same again. What made the pain ten thousand times worse is that at the time, I was not believed about my past or that my missing children were real. I never thought my grief would improve. The depression this triggered in me was hell on earth. I was lost and hopeless and could not find my way. I questioned the goodness of God. I nearly lost my faith. But now, I know God is still good no matter what happens in this world.

John 16:22 So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and noone will take your joy from you.

​My marriage and many of my other friendships fell apart. Imperfect people many of whom are responsible for making mistakes including me. Some mistakes were more horrific and damaging than others. But that is why I am thankful to God that He offers forgiveness, mercy, healing, and grace so that we each can find our true identity in him.

I thank God for the people in my life who believe me and know the truth of my past. If I felt I could, I would share more except that it is not my story to tell. For my part, I sincerely regret the hurtful things that I did. But in this case, it is too late to fix what the enemy used to steal, kill and destroy.

​I was very sad to discover that in reality, my marriage was not at all the fairy tale I had once thought it was. I was in denial about the fact that really in the end it turned out to be quite the opposite. We went through more than one separation and tried to reconcile but sexual sin in each of our lives persisted. I acknowledge my part and that I was wrong. At the time, my heart was dead, my conscience was blind and I had no idea what I was doing. Past trauma played a significant role but there is still no excuse. However unfortunate, perhaps it might have been for the better that I finally woke up and found my way out of a storm that I was responsible for helping to create.

Psalm 107:28-30 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.

By July 4th, 2021, I moved to Alaska to be with my Aunt Michelle. She was like a mom to me. I am so glad I got to spend that precious time with her. At the end of the summer, she and I went on a road trip. We flew from Anchorage, Alaska to Dallas, Texas and got into a rental car and headed to the East Coast on a trip to continue to campaign for Michelle’s kids. 

During the mask mandate, an intoxicated man with no mask sat down next to us on our Alaskan Airlines flight. Within a week, Michelle and I became too sick to continue to travel and were stranded in a hotel room in Germantown, Maryland not very far from Washington, D.C. We both tested positive for COVID. 

On one of the last days I got to spend with my Aunt Missy, she asked me to hold her in my arms. So we held each other and prayed together. Late one night, I called 911 and Paramedics arrived. She fought in the ICU for months. I stayed in the D.C. area while she and I were sick. Michelle continued to battle for her life. I was sick for two months and then recovered. Tragically my Aunt Michelle did not recover.

When I was well enough, I prayer walked Washington, D.C. regularly and attended Passion City Church D.C. Someone from their team prayed with me several times and it made a big difference in my life. Two women I met through my Passion Flourish group also prayed for me regularly. During that time, I was so sad but the prayer helped so much in my healing from trauma, grief, and loss.

At the end of October, I was informed they did not think my aunt Missy was going to make it but since the COVID virus was gone, they allowed me to see her twice in person in her hospital room. I held her hand and sang to her the song Yeshua with new lyrics I had written for her and all our decendants. On October 29, 2021, I lost my mom Michelle. She died of kidney failure and erratic blood pressure.

Within two days of losing Michelle, I broke my foot. My husband came to D.C. to support me through her death but within two weeks informed me he was filing for divorce. I felt like I had lost everything. Without my mom at first, it seemed like my life’s purpose might be gone. I was afraid I would not be able to go on without her. But then after I lost her, there was a remarkable transformation in me. I inherited her strength, passion, perseverance, mantle, and anointing and I once again became on fire for Jesus's purpose in my life. Rather than giving up even though I faced adversity and felt very much alone without the same amount of support I once had from others, I felt her fierceness and spirit which made me much bolder with passion than before.

Michelle knew how to persevere through adversity. She was like Paul. She had a fierce warrior spirit yet walked in peace. She had grit and lived her life with raw authenticity. She knew how to speak the truth. She was the person in my life who demonstrated the most love.. true love, a foreign concept to me. Agape love. It’s a mystery of heaven that's impossible to comprehend without the kind of compassion that is so huge it can only be from God himself. 

I thank God for all the times my aunt Michele and my friends went to battle for me in prayer and that God spared my life from suicide. The grief and loss of losing my children, my marriage, and then my aunt Michelle who was a mother to me was beyond devastating. It felt like too much for me. For quite a while I didn’t want to live anymore. I battled with complex PTSD and depression for many months. Fortunately, I survived. 

Through these tragic circumstances, my love for life was reborn. I started on a new stage in a miraculous healing journey. For a short amount of time, I went to a home for trafficking survivors which helped me to gain some life skills. I feel called to continue the vision, ministry, and legacy of my aunt by one day opening the safe home for survivors Michelle and I had always dreamt of opening together. I never imagined I would be doing this without her. No matter the distance between us, I know she’s still out there and at peace in a better place. I feel her strength which is most of the time what keeps me going and makes me able to continue to not give up or surrender to the will of the enemy. Everyday I try and remember that I have a promise and I will never quit searching until I find Michelle’s children.

Without the love, support, quality time, and prayers of my survivor sister who is my very best friend, and also my trauma counselor who is an incredible man of God who the Lord brought into my life, I would not still be breathing. I thank God for them both.

What also helped me to accomplish victory over suicide, self harm and depression is the many hours I spent in prayer and worship. In September of 2021, I started studying and learning to sing worship music in Russian, German, Hebrew, and Arabic.

Recently, I chose to fully surrender suicide to Jesus and made a lifelong commitment to never attempt any form of self harm again. I may be one of the last trusted living witnesses left with enough intel to take down this crime ring. I want everyone in my life to be aware that I will never try to kill myself again and that if I die unexpectedly, I did not kill myself. Jesus died so that we might have life and have it abundantly.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

There are many other survivors like me but so few true churches that are left in this world, especially in America. That is why I've discovered my church and Christ's body among God's chosen people and not just from within a building. Now that I know more about what kind of compassion exists within the body of Christ for survivors like me, I understand more fully the love of the Father. Understanding who Abba is fills me with joy that overflows into every area of my life and causes me to not only have a strong desire to live but also makes me want to stand firm and fight against the enemy.

Ephesians 6:10-12 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

I grew up around both the Mexican and Russian mafia. Since December 2021, I have often listened to several hours of prayer and worship in Russian a day and felt led to begin studying the language in depth as part of my training for a future in missions. I originally wanted to study German first but in December, felt it revealed to me that I needed to focus on studying Russian first because I would be called to Russia first. I wondered “why God?” Why Russia so soon?” I was stunned but chose to obey. It makes more sense to me now. Every nation needs love and peace.

John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world…”

In Jan, I got to go to Passion 2022. Attending this conference had drastic life changing ramifications. It was like I was reborn and lit on fire for Jesus. I came running back into his arms and didn’t feel lost anymore. At Passion Conference, we were given cards and were asked to write on them where our mission field was. I wrote down on mine in Cyrillic letters the name of Russia and in German letters the word for Germany.

During the praise and worship at Passion Conference, I felt strongly the presence of the Lord. At Passion Conference, they played Revelation Song. While those around me sang in English, I was in the audience singing the lyrics in German.

God is raising an army to build up a wall just like in Nehemiah around His kingdom on earth and I am so blessed to be a part of that family. I am grateful to be in this battle together because to fight in a war among friends is much easier than to live in peace alone. 

At the beginning of 2022, I started training in self defense. I was asked by one of the instructors why I wanted to train in Krav Mega. The answer I gave is that I wanted to be prepared to fight human trafficking globally and be equipped to go to Russia.

My dream for the future is to see this world free from all injustice, slavery, racism, terrorism, war, torture, genocide, starvation, and disease. But for now, even in the midst of the valley of the shadow of death exists serenity because I find my perfect peace in him. 

Some people look at suffering, injustice, and human trafficking, and wonder how God could be real since these things happen. I look at my past and I can now say: it is because of how powerfully He reached out to me during my suffering so many times that I know just how real God is.

PSALM 103:6-12 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.

PSALM 146:7-8 He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous.

ISAIAH 58:6 Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

MATTHEW 25:40 I tell you the truth whatever you did for the least of one of these brothers of mine you did for me.

There is no one who has ever known better the world of suffering than Jesus, our Lord. In the Old Testament, the Messiah was described as oppressed.

ISAIAH 53:7 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him and by his wounds, we are healed. He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter.

Sometimes, when it has seemed impossible to understand why God would allow such suffering and evil to take place on earth, I could only find comfort in knowing that Jesus also endured torture and suffering, and that I am not alone. Jesus WAS SOLD by Judas for thirty pieces of silver and handed over to be crucified.

MATTHEW 26:14-15. Then one of the Twelve--the one called Judas Iscariot--went to the chief priests and asked, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty silver coins. 

MARK 10:33 They will condemn Him to death and will hand Him over to the Gentiles who will mock Him and spit on Him, flog Him and kill Him. Three days later HE WILL RISE.

He allowed Himself to face death and came from the grave so that we could have life. He did this to set each of us free. It does not matter what holds you prisoner, or how dark your past may be. If you have never known freedom before, He is here for you. Christ offers everlasting freedom to anyone and everyone who will accept it. 

Jesus is a mighty Holy Master, yet a servant to the oppressed, the afflicted, and the needy. He is a friend to His followers. He is ADONAI, which means Lord Master, who is sovereign.

MATTHEW 18:23 Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

MATTHEW 20:26 Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.

JOHN 15: 13-16 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

HEBREWS 2:14-15 Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives.

I never knew my worth before I met Him. Jesus thought I was worth dying for. If you don’t know your worth, remember he died for you too.

PSALM 49:7-8,15 No one can ever buy back another person or pay Elohim a ransom for his life. The price to be paid for his soul is too costly…But Elohim will buy me back from the power of hell because He will take me.

He bought me for a price. He paid it all. He gave his life to pay my ransom and set me free from captivity. He can set you free too. 

MARK 10:45 For even the son of man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.